Tap Water

A week has gone by, and now I'm in a very difficult situation. It doesn't have to be difficult but I make it that way. Maybe because I want an excuse to think me life is too hard for me, or that people should pity me because of my struggles.

I feel like the best things I do are such lofty bull shit. I use my words to manipulate excellence, but really, there is nothing there worth the dirt under my shoe. It's just trickery.

It was raining so hard today, washing all the city's disgust into the ocean. Tomorrow I'll get to see for myself what this cleanse has done. Don't get me wrong, rain is great, but it washes away only the tears of the city, not the hurt.

Is the glass half full or half empty? I just think it is as it is. It exist and controls its own perception.
My life just is, not full or empty, it is stuck in the void in between. A sub-par life pretending to be extraordinary. What kind of glass is that? It's a colored wine glass filled with tap water, that is what it is. From the outside, there could be the most delicious drink inside, yet to be explored. But upon taste, it is nothing more than regular.

At least I don't cause plastic water bottle waste, I guess, go tap water!
From the outside,

Movie Night

Have you ever watch a movie that just made you reflect completely on yourself?

It just seems sometimes that I have lost my vigor for life. Not that I'm depressed, but that I can't find my purpose for the endless things I deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes, just the sounds of things turn my nerves into fire, and I just can't stand it.

I've come to an ending of chapters within my life, and the next page is completely blank for me. For the best? Who knows? All I know is that I can't seem to set the pen down on that blank page and write the next chapter for myself. It is so frustrating to be in writers block while writing myself.

I don't feel like that many people know me, and even when I try to open up to get some peace for myself it seems that doors just seem to slam in my face. I don't have problems making friends, I have problems making friends that want my time. I'm a friend by convenience. Sure, we can go out to eat, laugh till our sides hurt, and wave at each other in passing, but at the closing of the day they are just another dead end in my chapter that is about to close.

I push so many things on myself, to make myself seem more important, ambitious, strong, helpful, and talented, but really...... I force myself to do these things (at least most of the time).
I do like most of them, at points in time, but I want something that is all consuming. I want something in my life that is my air, that I could not live without.

So what to do with this information? Start a blog I suppose. Kinda silly, but you never know what will come of it. I can openly express how I feel without feeling patronized by anyone.

So, if I may, welcome me into your hearts, as I will to my own.