Thursday, December 3, 2009

Movie Night

Have you ever watch a movie that just made you reflect completely on yourself?

It just seems sometimes that I have lost my vigor for life. Not that I'm depressed, but that I can't find my purpose for the endless things I deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes, just the sounds of things turn my nerves into fire, and I just can't stand it.

I've come to an ending of chapters within my life, and the next page is completely blank for me. For the best? Who knows? All I know is that I can't seem to set the pen down on that blank page and write the next chapter for myself. It is so frustrating to be in writers block while writing myself.

I don't feel like that many people know me, and even when I try to open up to get some peace for myself it seems that doors just seem to slam in my face. I don't have problems making friends, I have problems making friends that want my time. I'm a friend by convenience. Sure, we can go out to eat, laugh till our sides hurt, and wave at each other in passing, but at the closing of the day they are just another dead end in my chapter that is about to close.

I push so many things on myself, to make myself seem more important, ambitious, strong, helpful, and talented, but really...... I force myself to do these things (at least most of the time).
I do like most of them, at points in time, but I want something that is all consuming. I want something in my life that is my air, that I could not live without.

So what to do with this information? Start a blog I suppose. Kinda silly, but you never know what will come of it. I can openly express how I feel without feeling patronized by anyone.

So, if I may, welcome me into your hearts, as I will to my own.

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